STUDYING?
for a moment, i was full of motivation to do what is lying in front of me.
however, the next moment, i find myself dreading with what is facing at me.
i dunno what i want.
i dunno how much i understood.
and i dunno how to ask questions~
is it a sin to not ask questions?
is it wrong to do my own thinking?
i cant figure out how to get my thoughts and put it in words. (but i m doing it now!)
the problem is, i cant absorb and puke it out instantly.
i need time to clear up my thoughts and digest it...

for a moment, i had an aim. even listed it down.
next moment, i felt so lost that i want to give up everything.... what's wrong?
i just want to do what i like. and be myself.
but its so hard..

...
WORKING?
getting into a environment i dislike is really a torture.
doing stuffs i totally dislike is a nightmare.
i mean its obvious, people sees it, i predicted it.
the contrast of doing something passionate and dislike is like a comparison of heaven and hell. but do i have a choice?

what will happen if two person has absolutely opposite character, thinking and lifestyle?
clashes will sure happen.
attitude, anger, stubborness and reluctancy will all rise.
found out i m someone who is very hard to deal with.
but could be easy if i want to.i think its not a day's thing.
i dun give face if the attitude is wrong in the first place.
but everyone has a kind of character since young. its even inheritance.
rite?

found out that i need changes to continuously keep my attention going.
yet, on the other hand,
i dun like changes that i have to change to adapt to.
contradicting hor.. :/
but that's me.

my attention time span is short.
and that's probably y it makes me look at more things....
so hard to understand..
people who dun clique with me is probably that they cant think what i m thinking...
and i cant guess them.
probably some dun even care to think here and there...
that's the difference between people bah.
cos of that, no matter how i or people tried, it wont succeed.

me me me me..
everyone is self-centered now, even me.
because the environment forced me to.
and i dun want to.
and one thing i have nv change,
my thinkings...

at the end of the day.. ask
where do i stand?

i dunno.


-CR to T.W@ Nov07 -